Well... recently things have been rather odd and unpredictable... I need not go into specifics... I just wish to say this: Life is what you make of it... and what it makes of you. Some call it God, some call it a conscious, some call it schizophrenia. There's a distinct purpose and point to all of this, even if we can't always see it. And by these words, I can be called a romantic, but I would embrace that title were it true... But labels never are... Live life, and be alive...
And now... I have included a letter sent to me by a friend... he ran away, leaving this as his only explanation... It has been slightly edited... But I hope the reader can gleam some glimmer of the truth that's out there... Some scrap of wisdom... Enjoy.
I write this wondering where I will go from here. I write this also
wondering if all of this really exists. Is it merely a figment of my
imagination? I face nothing but hypocrisy and blind ignorant complacency at
every turn. There is so much beauty and good in the world, yet it is
overshadowed by the terrible, terrible, nature of humanity which encircles
the earth. I often wonder why I can even believe such a place exists, yet
the only answer I have is that it is the only world I can perceive. The
limitations built into it frustrate me not because of their existence, but
because I can see no other alternative.
Death eludes me, and while I ponder it for long periods of time, I cannot
bring myself where I cannot perceive the possibility of. I do not consider
it an inevitability, as that would require a accepting ignorance, but rather
I see it as a paradox. That which cannot exist in my world or that of any
other person, as it exists beyond the sphere of human comprehension.
So many in this world exist in delusion. Under the spell of religion,
society, or any other static belief system, and they will hinder me at every
turn I fear. Yet I cannot remain here. I have outgrown this place and there
is nothing more that I can learn here. I will attempt to pursue some truth,
though I know not what it is, and perhaps someday I may gain some
understanding as to the meaning of things. I know only that it cannot be
found here. As a pool of water without inlets or outlets becomes stagnant,
so does this society. Without an inner searching into the nature of
ourselves, we can become only more engaged in the games which we have
created. Remember that all we live in, our families, our society, our
governments, are manmade, and so can be unmade. Do not look at life as an
obstacle course, for there are few things that cannot be changed.
I must thank those who have helped me learn what I have learned thus far. I
have no regrets, as regret is a most foolish and useless thing. To everyone
I have talked in depth about the world, and those things within it, I
express my deepest sorrow that I will no longer be able to do so. But
remember to keep an open mind always, or you will never learn anything. To
those I have shared true friendship with at various points in my life I give
you my most sincere gratitude, as emotions on all levels must be shared with
others. And while I have too often been negligent in my duties as a friend,
I ask only the forgiveness which I freely bestow upon others. To those who
share in my fight against the system which binds us all, even those who
created it, keep in mind the reasons for the fight, and never fall into
I realize that I leave much behind, but my material possessions are the
least of it. While on this topic I believe I will indulge myself in a will
of some sort. Though this is meaningless legally, anyone who can wrest these
things from my former landlords may have these things. I have a wonderful
collection of CDs, or I think so at least, though I may take a few with me.
Plenty of books as well, though again I will take as many of them as I can.
On this note, please make sure the 4 tomes of magic, and two other paperback
DnD books are return to Richard [C], Assistant Manager at Walgreens,
as they are on loan from him. Also, I believe I have several of Mrs. [M]ís
books, as well as Mr. [B]ís, and Daveís Limp Bizkit CD. [G] can keep my
Goldfinger CD, and everyone who owes me money is absolved of these debts,
not as if you had any intention of paying them back anyway, however I
thought Iíd say that for the hell of it. I would say goodbyes in person,
however this has been rendered impossible by recent events. My computer
games and legos are up for grabs as well, not to mention my fabulous
collection of marbles, though my sisters would be far better caretakers of
those. Jeff [F], I owe you my childhood, and I apologize for growing
apart, if that means anything. Iím sure you can find a way to grab most of
my good stuff, and make it back to the fort before they found you ?.
Iíll create a big enough distraction, donít worry. The greatest gift of all
is of course my chemistry grade, Iíll give that to, oh wait no one wants
that. Then there is all of my unfinished AdnD stuff, which some capable
fellow, namely [J], should be able to find a spot for (I suggest the
I have so many memories that I want to recollect but it would take forever,
so I wont even try. Listing names would only hurt those I leave out, and so
I am stuck in that department.
Anyway, back to whatever. Since I am still bound legally to my parents, I
must stay hidden, as it is impossible to reason with anyone who calls you a
scumbag, a fuckup, and a plethora of other colorful nouns. Will someone
please watch Star Trek Insurrection for me, as I rented it but will be
unable to watch it myself. By the way mom and dad, return that video. And
donít even try to label this as some sort of drug induced insanity, because
itís not. [EDIT: 57 words... Protecting Evan]
Well theres nothing more I can say right now, except for
a few pointers in life: Keep on smoking, if only because it pisses the
drones off. Never make up your mind, as soon as you do it will then make up
you. Finally, never be complacent, and always question, because if you donít
question you will never realize what possibilities there are.
P.S. Hey, quit detecting and give up, nothing in this little note will give
you any idea where I am going, because I donít even know, so up yours.
Epilogue to this: He returned about a week later; turns out he ran out of money on the way to Canada; he's still a good friend of mine.