RIP: Todd Eager


Died October 5th, 1999 at 3:34 AM

To think about it, part of me is actually going to miss Todd. About this time last year, we were actually part of the same group of friends. I never really got that close to him, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

Todd Eager went to his work place on October 3rd, and shot himself in the head with a $6 shotgun he had made out of parts he bought at Home Depot. In a suicide note sent to one of his best friends, he says: "After 6 months of looking for a shotgun, I go to Home Depot and buy the parts for one with $6. Pretty cool, huh?"

Looking back on it now, the "could've"s and "should've"s and "would've"s almost inevitably surge up. But I have come to terms with this. Today, a life was lost. Everyday, lives are lost. And is this one any more special simply because I knew him? Not really. But it is always sad when a life ends by its own hands.

Honestly, I have always considered suicide one of the most pointless, selfish, and stupid things a person can do. This isn't to say I haven't ever been suicidal. But I think it is that general dissatisfaction with suicide that has stopped me. What message are you sending? That you can die? Suicide hurts everyone who cares about you and does jack shit to the people who don't.

I hope someone can cast some actual purpose to Todd's death, if for no other reason than to help the grieving of his family. It's his family that my deepest sympathies go to. I can't imagine having a sibling or child dying, let alone like that. Next, I wish to extend my sympathies to his friends. I barely knew the kid, but I will miss him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have been a close friend.

We all die. It's just a question of how and why. If we die cause our life is at an end, there is a purpose. If we die fighting for something we believe in, then we are martyrs for the cause. If we die due to accident, it is senseless, but we can heal. Suicide from despair, though, just leads us to ponder: What could I have done? The answer is nothing. They are dead. If you can find something that it can teach you, embrace it. There is no purpose in suicide. It is merely an escape.

To all those whom have had to suffer the suicide of a loved one or friend, you have my sympathies. Please remember those lessons that can only be taught to us in the darkest nights and in the actions of others. Perhaps these lessons are the only hope in a world that is rapidly darkening.