At least that's the best I can think of. To keep the legal aspect of this night's little incident to a reasonable amount, all activities and names will be withheld except for those directly relevant shall be removed. Those involved shall be given proper psuedonyms.
It all started one evening at my work, Pizza Shoppe. Being a perfectly standard night of the week that I worked, I was closing. The manager, herein known as The Man, was being his usual easygoing, nice guy self. This was until a group comprised of 4 individuals showed up. They shall be referred to as CoolGuy, NamelessChick, FreeFood, and DumbDrunkBastard. At first, we were polite. The Man had to leave momentarily and asked that those not employed by Pizza Shoppe leave during his absence. I was left in charge. Unfortunately, due to a lack of understanding on the part of CoolGuy, the message wasn't properly followed. When I asked them to please leave the restaraunt, DumbDrunkBastard was, needless to say, insolent and refused. I decided to not confront him directly, considering the kid had easily 75 pounds on me and I wasn't in the mood to slit his belly open. I asked CoolGuy to please make his friends leave. CoolGuy, unfortunately, still misundestood what was going on. Over the course of the next few minutes, the amount of 4 brownies were taken (2 by DumbDrunkBastard), some fries were put down for FreeFood, and nobody left before The Man returned. The Man, needlessly to say, was slightly miffed at this. He again asked them to leave (this being about the 4th time, twice by him and twice by me). FreeFood complained about not gettting his fries, which were free, and DumbDrunkBastard started making a ruckus. When CoolGuy tried to make his friends leave, a physical confrontation started. All it was, luckily, was just some shoving. At this point, DumbDrunkBastard began to berate and yell at The Man for asking him to leave The Man's restaraunt, and not complying to DumbDrunkBastard's every wish (even though their mere being there was on our courtesy alone). While this was occuring, I quickly moved back a little to find a good knife, with the help of my coworker Bob. Had DumbDrunkBastard laid a hand on The Man, undoubtedly, he would have lived to regret his action, though it was doubtful how much longer he would live after that. Luckily, The Man, showing remarkable maturity and control, managed to get DumbDrunkBastard and FreeFood to leave. They took NamelessChick with them.
This act distinctly proves the truth of my opening statement. Drunk stupid jocks are just plain assholes looking to be gutted like a fish. I doubt though that DumbDrunkBastard realizes how close he came to not walking out of there tonight. I doubt that he will even remember tonight. Most likely, he will return to wherever he got the alcohol in the first place and swill some more down his ignorant little palate. If there ever was an argument to forced sterilization, I have found it. Do we really want his drunken ass dateraping some poor girl and getting her pregnant? And then having to deal with his undoubtedly abusive parenting of the child, if he decided to parent the child at all. Either way, the child is most likely going to develop a strong social disorder, wind up bouncing in and out of clinics and foster homes, dealing with abuse issues and drug problems. He's likely to either end up blowing his brains out, taking to a clocktower with a high powered rifle, or becoming his father. Thusly continuing the cycle of DumbDrunkBastards everywhere.
Society that allows suck idiocy not only to exist, but makes it popular, is FUCKED UP! Take a look at the modern pop culture image. Male, 6 ft, 180 lbs., muscular, wearing drawstring khakis, flannel, and an A&F white tee. He goes out partying on the weekends; drinks a lot, but never loses control; and ends up in bed with his woman of choice. Female: little past shoulder length hair, strapped tanktop that shows off her bra straps, tight jeans or shorts, reasonably tanned, and of course thin and slightly muscular. She too is expected to drink at parties, but to never put out, yet always succumbs to the oh-so-effective charms of the male. Nowhere is the 40 year old living in a shack somewhere who's selling these kids their pot. Nowhere is the 29-going-on-40 faceless corporate decadent burnouts their destined to become. All they have are mirrors to show how perfect they are. Never look one of them in the eyes. It's a true disappointment. Unless you have found those rare ones who actually are afraid to be themselves. I would like to say I feel sorry for them, but they're cowards. I didn't have the choice of being one of the A&F people. Where I grew up, being what I was wasn't accepted. I wasn't ignorant, I wasn't drinking or toking, and I didn't have 5 inbred generations in the town. I got attacked, verbally or physically, almost everyday for 4 years. It took me a year to realize that that changed me. THat life had taken someone who could have been an arrogant little shallow clone like I was before I moved to Vermont, and turned me into what I am today. The towering, dark, demented, creature I am today. And guess what... I'd like to thank all of you DumbDrunkBastards out there. I would like to thank you for showing me what I don't want to be. Thank you for being ignorant and stupid. Thank you for being the stupid little peieces of trailer trash rejects that you are.
In closing I would like to send something out there to all you DumbDrunkBastards: